Abandon Ship!

I cannot help it…

It’s my instinct, my inner desire, my first reaction.

In the words of Tom Cruise in one of my favorite movies “She’s Lost that lovin’ feelin” – Actually I never had it to begin with, but point proven I think.

I have a 3 week limit. I give a guy 3 weeks and then I am out.
Things seem to be going great. Even to me. Then I flip.

Confession #1: commitment scares me.

Confession #2: Love scares me even more.

Confession #3: I am a private person. Surprised? Yes I will tell you anything you want to know about my past, it doesn’t bother me. But, you want to know who I really am? Yeah that freaks me out.

Confession #4: I cannot define or prove love. No physical proof means therefore I lack a definite knowledge. (Reminds me of a certain movie that I significantly related to. Paper heart, if you haven’t seen it you need to).
These three factors drive me to the three weeks that I give.

Classic T scenario:
Week 1: Lovin’ life. I enjoy the chase. Actually I thrive on it. (I don’t play games so that is not at all what I am doing fellas). We go on our first date. We have a fantastic time.

Week 2: We hang out every day, cuddle, and maybe get a little lip action (Sorry, Mom if you are reading this). We are truly enjoying each other’s company. We find out a little bit more of each other, or a lot more about each other. I get comfortable (PROBLEM). I find the things I like about him and the things that I am less than fond of. I start to get a little bored. (Classic)

Week 3: You push to know more about me (HUGE PROBLEM). My insides are screaming at this point. Basic carnal instinct is telling me “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT NOW!” He talks about commitment (BIG NO, NO). I find something that bugs me about him and I start to obsess. I am not talking about normal obsessing, I am talking about fixating on this one thing that bugs me about him and then I find that it affects everything that I even liked about him in the first place.

And I bail.

I have tried to fix myself, and on five separate occasions it has worked.

K: K was my first love (my only faith that it actually exists). He was my highschool sweetheart and my best friend. I loved being with him and we never got tired of eachother. We lasted over a year. It hurt when it ended. K’s and my relationship could possibly the root of all my problems.

C: He played hard to get. He was never quite mine; he always belonged to someone else. Don’t worry he came around and I bailed. 2 months. He is still a very good friend and I enjoy all of our daily conversations.
K: Also never quite mine, but I loved the chase, and our relationship. It was special. We were more friends than anything else. 3 months (possibly, I don’t quite remember)

R: He fooled me. I was optimistic, and fooled myself. 3 months.

H: He intrigues me. He makes me want to be better. He is an incredibly good friend. I would trust him with my life. Nothing has ever really happened, nothing probably ever will. I enjoy him for him. To be continued.

Few men have broken the barrier, but when they do. I never regret it.

I would love to love someone eventually.

When that will happen? No idea. I’ll have a good time searching for it.

Adventure is key. Love is relative.

With the deepest meaning of love you can imagine (whatever that means),
T.